Belly of The Beast


New Branch of Zeta

According to the Mexican media, Zeta has opened a new branch in Belize. And we don’t mean the Zeta ice factory. Everybody with any sense knows that Mexican-based Cartels have been operating in Belize, and we certainly didn’t need the Mexican media to tell us that. It also doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the new branch of Zeta employs a lot of high-ranking Police Officers and even politicians. And those same Police Officers and politicians keep taking Belizeans for idiots, acting like they are doing so much to stop the movement of drugs through the country. Under the UDP it is likely that more planes have landed carrying drugs than have landed carrying tourists. So when the Mexicans say that a cartel is the owner and master of Belize, they know what they are talking about. We know how easy it is to incentivize Ministers these days. Just ask John McAfee and every penny-ante con artist that has passed through Belize and have taken Belizeans for a ride.

No Chester No

We here at the newspaper are still trying to comprehend the words of our Deputy Commissioner of Police a few days ago. It appears a plane was about to land in Progresso. The Police got word, likely from their cousins on their Uncle Sam’s side, and headed out to the scene. The pilot of the drug plane got wind of what was happening and decided to land in Chetumal instead. So based on that now, Mr. Chester will go on national television to proclaim that the Belize Police are more effective at fighting drugs than the Mexican Federales. We understand that there were reports on both sides of the border of people who died laughing. Our Police caught one little, tiny plane with drugs once this whole year. There are reports of dozens of planes landing in the past months. But suddenly our Police are very effective at fighting drugs. Incredible we tell you. Just incredible!

No Sanctuary

From the way this newspaper understands it, the Prime Minister’s law firm is threatening to sue the entire world if anybody even says the word Sanctuary. Oops. We did it again. But nobody is satisfied with Barrow’s vague explanation for why his law firm is named prominently as the attorneys for some very bad people in Belize who are allegedly trying to rip off a lot of people through another scam. Almost seems like when people look up Belize in the world tour guide it has ‘Sanctuary for Scam Artists’ under the map. This Sanctuary Bay thing is making the country look very bad, and from how this newspaper understands it, it could have very serious repercussions. And really! At a time like this do we really need another black eye?

Trafficking in Idiots

It’s not hard to figure out. The reason why Belize was sanctioned yet again last week by the U.S. is because we are trafficking in idiots, and most of them end up in that fancy room in the Administration Building in Belmopan making decisions every Tuesday. We have been royally screwed by this Barrow administration in every way possible. How long have we been blacklisted for human trafficking…


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