Belly of the Beast




Friday, April 26, 2019

Mo’ Money

The Belize Times has been very reliably informed that tensions are high in Cabinet right now after Ministers have allegedly demanded more money to pay off and bring out people to vote YES to the ICJ on May 8. A source told us that the bald head old back Barrow was outraged, since he claimed that he had already handed out money for mobilization before the referendum was cancelled. So anyway, apparently all the ‘mobilization’ money paid out to UDP representatives and caretakers before April 10 is gone. It must have followed the Petrocaribe money into that black hole, and the big cheese is irate. So now he’ll have to find new money to pay out to mobilize people to vote YES. The same source is saying that Belizeans can look out for another increase in the price of fuel before May 10. Real Ali Baba and the 40 thieves kinda move.

Advanced Decomposition

Can you believe that the morgue at the Southern Regional Hospital hasn’t been working for a month now? Apparently nobody knew, not even officials at the Ministry of Health who seemed genuinely shocked when the PUP pointed it out this week. And in typical UDP style, instead of fixing the damn problem, the Ministry blames the PUP for telling them to fix the damn problem. That’s what comes from having an electrician as the Health Minister. He dumbs down everybody that works with him, apparently. This is beyond ridiculous. Barrow and his worthless bunch can find money to pay people to vote YES to the ICJ. They can find money to pay a whole bunch of people to spew propaganda, and find money to pay a whole bunch of diplomats to mill around saying YES to the ICJ like robots. But they can’t find the money to pay to fix the morgue. The best is yet to come, we hear. Maybe that means all the morgues in the country will stop working. Who knows?

Strategy Session

The Belize Times has just been advised that all the UDP intellectuals (what an oxymoron) are currently assembled in the Ministry of Health to figure out damage control. Belizeans have been taking shots at the government, which apparently can find $190M to build a road to Caracol, but can’t fix the morgue at the Southern Regional Hospital. We’re told that Pablo, and Rene (who really, really wants this road to Caracol for his own personal reasons) are suggesting that the government issue a release stating that it will build a state of the art morgue, CSI style, on the road to Caracol. And if that doesn’t appease the commoners, they advised, the government can promise to build the morgue right next to a brand new state of the art DNA testing facility on the Caracol Road. What more could the people want, they cried?

Please Don’t Die

It was probably Pablo who came up with the idea to send out a release asking people in the south to please be considerate until the UDP can get the morgue fixed. By being considerate, apparently, the Ministry of Health is asking people please not to die, at least for the next few weeks. And if they absolutely cannot put it off, could they please die in another area and not an area which should be serviced by the Southern Regional Hospital. We think that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to ask. But oh, don’t die near PG, because we are told that morgue isn’t working too well either, and there is only space for four persons anyway; so it gets crowded. And don’t die in Belmopan, because they have the same exact problems, space for 4 only. Your best bet right now is to die in Belize City, because there is a little more space at the KHMH morgue. The Ministry thanks you for your cooperation and consideration.

Bad Touch

The Belize Times has received very credible information that there is a doctor in the public health system in the south who is known for very disturbing hanky-panky where female patients are concerned. Seems that this doctor has run afoul of the administration on various occasions, after numerous complaints, but keeps getting placed back in the system because of his last name. The medical maniac, we are told, has connections very high up in the government structure, so he is considered one of the untouchables in the south. My old granny used to say that ‘dog weh tief from foul coop neva stop.’ No wonder the health system is the way it is.

Did You Know?

Did you know that there is no ambulance servicing the Toledo District right now, and none in Punta Gorda? Seems that two ambulances were crashed and never fixed, so whenever there is the need to transport a patient in critical condition, an ambulance has to come all the way from the Southern Regional Hospital, or the PG Hospital has to send that patient in another truck assigned to the Ministry of Health? There’s a whole lot you may not know, but everything that is in the dark must come to light, and the truth really does set you free.

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