Thursday, May 24, 2019

Aldo & the FTC

You see, there is always a price to pay when you want to roll with the big boys, and collect paychecks which can run into the hundreds of thousands. We watched that interview with Senator Aldo Salazar last night, and at one point it almost looked like he wanted to cry. Then he composed himself and tried to convince reporters that he was pulled over in the US in a random Customs stop. Really, Aldo? You expect Belizeans to believe that one? Maybe you should explain how come you and the head of Atlantic International Bank are partners in a private company, and also worked together at AIBL. Maybe you should also come clean about your own role in the Sanctuary Bay scam, since you were the legal advisor of AIBL. Maybe you can tell Belizeans what information you gave to those people who pulled you aside like a common criminal in the US and questioned you for hours. Were your knees shaking the entire time? Mark our words. The UDP dolly-house is crumbling, and when it falls down, it will be a spectacular thing.

Barrow & Sanctuary Bay

It will be quite interesting to figure out how the Prime Minister’s law firm is tangled up in this whole Sanctuary Bay thing. But check this one thing out. Bad back Barrow is boss of litigation. That sucker can litigate, and lose, and litigate, and lose. And lose, and lose. But very quietly, and very hurriedly, the Prime Minister has sent government minions to try to settle the Sanctuary Bay matter like now. He wants this one settled immediately. Why? And why should taxpayers pay to settle? To protect who? And who are the Ministers named in the Sanctuary Bay thing? We know Erwin is a big part of it. So is Gaspar. This one is going to blow the UDP out the water. Wait for it.

Caribbean Shores

We’ll have some fun with this one next week for sure, cause all kinds of feelings caught up in here. Santi wants another run, but we done know it’s not going to happen cause Leila’s sweetie sweetie is the Prime Minister’s right hand and CEO in the OPM. We hear Santi has already gotten a call and while we can’t say what he’s gotten as an incentive, he know he’s going to bow out. Lee Mark now, well that’s a cat of a different colour. The last time one of these brothers – we seem to remember his name was Chang too – was put in office, he used his position to take a Belizean passport to a fellow called Wonhong Kim in Taiwan. We’re not saying, at least not out loud, that Lee Mark would do the same thing. But well. You know. Anyway next week for this. Hearing there’s free chicken at Chon Saan for all Caribbean Shores voters who promise loyalty. Just saying.

Fuh God’s Sake Stop It

Old bad back Barrow says he would never call elections now because they’d never win. I bet he wishes he never had to call elections at all, because every fat fowl is having its Friday in the UDP and every bloated chicken is coming home to roost. The latest thing now is that knock-head former UDP Minister of Gangs Mark King is accusing UDP Minister of State Angel Campos of trying to collect kickbacks at the KHMH. According to King, Campos and another UDP minion at the KHMH, Evan Cowo, ‘bribed his company,’ Brints Security, which was seeking a contract at the KHMH. Now that is a very serious matter, one which King says he has now taken to the Supreme Court. It is a hell of a thing, but hey, if it’s one thing UDP Ministers know, it is the hustle. Kickbacks are as common in Cabinet as chicken at Li Chee. Just ask that fat fellow from Cayo. The one who was bankrupt when he got into office and is now a multi-millionaire.

Bam Briggidim Boof

If you think Mark King was just being his usual bubu self, think again. Literally minutes after King accused Minister Campos of soliciting bribes, Campos was gone from the Ministry of Health. We know where there’s smoke there’s fire. But in this case, Campos’ firing means that there wasn’t only fire, but there was firewood and gasoline and kerosene, maybe even a grenade or two and a burning building. So now Campos has been placed as Minister of State in the Ministry of Human Development. He will serve under that wonderful man of character and integrity, brother Boots. We here at the Belize Times were trying to figure out the rationale behind that, and we think we got it. We figure that after Boots is done scraping all there is to scrape, nothing will be left in the cookie jar for Campos so he’ll be forced to stay honest. With this set of crooked Ministers, makes no sense to try to figure them out anyway. We do think it’s cute that the actual bona fide doctor was removed from the Ministry of Health, while the electrician remains in the top spot. That is hilarious.