Belly of the Beast


Ding Dong Dean

We know that the spin-doctors at the UDP will be doing their best on this one, but facts are facts. Dean Barrow is as useless as a third testicle on a one-eyed cow, and the greed for power in the UDP is so real that they want him gone. We know, because sources in the UDP told us, that he proposed to stay on as Prime Minister until the election, and that proposal was shot down in a hurry. See, everybody in the UDP is grabbing up all they can get right now, and Dean is a nuisance to deal with because he doesn’t encourage petty hustling—emphasis on the word petty—because ain’t nothing petty about the hustling done with BTL and Sanctuary Bay. Anyway, Dean is gone, put out to pasture as soon as the convention results are read, and get this scary thought in your head. One of these men, either Patrick Faber or John Saldivar, will be the leader of the country until elections are called. This is a catastrophe as big as John Saldivar’s belly. And that’s catastrophic.

Mason’s Brigade

John Saldivar has been busy in the past few months forming all kinds of brigades. There’s a youth brigade, and a women’s brigade, and a boxer’s party brigade. We believe he got the idea from his good friend William Danny Mason. Remember how we used to hear about all those wild parties at Mason’s hilltop mansion where all the UDP Ministers and cronies used to hang out. Remember that terrible picture of a naked whale that offended even the Audubon and Oceana people? Mason is a stain that will never be washed off Saldivar, no matter what he does or says. And of course, there’s the very real chance that Mason might still take the stand at trial, and we know there’s a lot he’s wanted to say about Saldivar for the longest time. There is no way that Saldivar will be leader of this country. No way. He’s the only one that doesn’t know it.

Alleged Woman-beater

We’ve always thought it interesting that there are all these women in the UDP who stand behind Patrick Faber and want him to be leader of the country. And these same women are quick to speak up whenever another woman is raped or beaten or killed. Yet not one of them stood up when Patrick’s girlfriend told Police that he beat her up. And not one of them stood up when Patrick’s ex-wife told the court about how he abused her. Imagine that this man who allegedly beats up women will likely be the next leader of this country. Wrap your minds around that. Remember this is the man whose fancy SUV ended up turning into a submarine. Wrap your minds around that. Can you believe that these are the choices that the UDP are offering? Those are like no choices at all. We almost, almost feel sorry for the UDP. Almost.

Dengue Crisis

There are reportedly two women who have died of dengue. One in the north and one in the south. The spread of dengue has reached crisis proportions, totally out of control. And Pablo Marin is more worried about building a house for medication which the Ministry does not have. How crazy is that? Pablo was ready to wrap his sticky fingers around $1.6M of NHI money for a building, but there’s no money to provide tests for persons suspected to have dengue. There are so many persons going to public facilities around the country with suspected dengue that medical staff was forced to discontinue testing. But neither Pablo nor the UDP are concerned about that. Pablo is worried about where he’ll get that $1.6M and of course, we know why. Why do you think the UDP is big on contracts? That’s where the hustle is. And that’s all you’ll see before elections, contract after contract, as the UDP sharks feed at the trough. That’s why the UDP hasn’t hurried to appoint a Contractor-General, and won’t any time before elections. Why would they want anybody scrutinizing these contracts? They better enjoy it for now, because they’ll need it for bail when the PUP gets into power.

Big time Castro

Did somebody say that Minister of everything shady Edmond Castro is driving a late model Range Rover? No man. We don’t believe that. This is a poor, poor man. Where would he get that kind of money? We even remember when he cried in the House after the BAA check hustling was exposed. The man broke down because he said BAA was only helping him because he was broke. He couldn’t even afford to pay for his own mother’s funeral, poor guy. So BAA was only helping. He couldn’t afford drinks for the wake, so BAA was only helping. Nope. There’s no way we’ll believe this poor, humble man is driving a late-model Range Rover.