Belly of the Beast


Hurricane Dorian

On behalf of our Party Leader, and our entire PUP family, the Belize Times extends our sympathy for and empathy with all those who have suffered the wrath of the catastrophic Hurricane Dorian. We urge all Belizeans to assist in any way they can through the Belize Red Cross and urge the scurvy Barrow administration to take their hands out public coffers and to offer a helping hand to those in need. Today, our brothers and sisters in the Bahamas are suffering. Tomorrow it could be us.

BTL Retrenchment

The phone company which Mr. Barrow says belongs to Belizeans, and is owned by us, is ‘celebrating’ ten years of nationalization, red and white balloons and fireworks and lots of giveaways and all. Just ignore the fact that since the nationalization, the only people who have gotten filthy rich are those connected to or related to the Prime Minister. That’s not important. And as we jump up and celebrate ten years of nationalization, maybe the UDP wants us to also ignore credible reports that BTL will be retrenching as many as 150 employees of the company. You heard us right – 150 employees let go, allegedly at the end of September. How’s about that for a celebration? Remember that you heard it here first. BTL has done nothing for the Belizean people but place a debt around our necks that our children and our children’s children will have to pay. Mr. Barrow may think that as his political career comes to an undignified close, he’s gotten away scot free. But he will pay dearly for what has been done at BTL.

Poor Patsy

We are told that the man who would be king, that petulant man-boy otherwise known as Patrick Faber, officially launched his campaign sometime recently. Nobody seems to know exactly when or where it happened. All we know is that porky pig from Belmopan is claiming that he has hosted boxer parties which had more people than Faber’s campaign launch. We wouldn’t know, because we never attended those boxer parties at Mason’s hilltop mansion. We’ve heard the names of quite a few who did attend, but we’d prefer not to talk about those kinds of activities right now. The point is that the man from Belmopan is claiming that the man-boy from Collet is a dead duck, after he was unable to muster more than a couple hundred people to attend his event. Faber, when asked about the poor showing, told reporters that they were only imagining things, and that thousands and thousands attended. Okay then. We figure Faber must have some of the rum he stashed from those good old Petrocaribe days, cause that fellow wasn’t in his right senses.

Morgue Mates

We haven’t seen any copy of the UDP Guardian this week since we haven’t run out of toilet paper yet this week, but we’re told that there was a big picture showing two clowns – one named Pablo and one called Papa. Apparently, they were posing in front of a morgue unit and they were being praised for improving lives (laugh) and the quality of health care – for fixing a morgue unit which was down for months. If you want the opinion of many, many Belizeans, Pablo and Papa should have just climbed inside the unit, closed the door and never come out again. We doubt many people would notice. Belizeans are more interested in finding out why a morgue unit which cost only around BZD$10,000 ended up costing taxpayers hundreds of thousands of dollars. That is the big question, and that’s the one that Pablo doesn’t want to answer. As for Papa, he’s probably just grateful for the photo op because he knows that it’s one of his last. Unless he’s posing for a mug shot in the not so distant future, and that’s a distinct possibility.

Stupid man

Today, in Belize, we celebrate a long-standing relationship with Cuba. We enjoy the assistance of Cuban medical staff, and programs which have resulted in Belizeans having access to quality education in Cuba, free of cost. As we prepare to celebrate our Independence, we note that on the road to Independence Cuba stood strong with us, shoulder to shoulder. We could go on, because the friendship between our countries is that strong. Which is why we wondered why UDP Minister Edmond Castro deliberately insulted the deceased former president of Cuba, Fidel Castro Ruz, by disparagingly referring to him as a dictator during an interview. According to Edmond, he believes in consultation, because he would never want to be a dictator like Fidel Castro. We are not sure what history books Castro – the stupid one – is reading, but we believe that he owes the people of Cuba an apology. And we note, also, that the local Castro could never compare himself to Fidel Castro. Never. Not in a million years.