Belly of the Beast


Caye Cruise

After he suffered a mental breakdown and sulked for a bit, Patsy apparently pulled up his big boy briefs and decided he’s not going down without a fight – or a trip to the cayes, as the case may be. Over the weekend he rented a catamaran and loaded it up with delegates and supporters and headed to Rendezvous Caye for a day of drinks and fun and politicking, of course. According to the boy who would be king, he managed to round up 150 delegates who he says are in his camp and will support him for leader. We at the Belize Times figure that ‘all about the base’ thing may have worked once, but it won’t work twice. Porky pig from Belmopan is being backed by big money, a lot of it from his personal best friend Gapi, and he’s been heard to tell those close to him that no matter what it takes this time, he’ll be leader of the UDP come February 2020.

Poor Boy

There is a video being circulated by Jamal Bin Laden Shyne Moses Ben Leviy Barrow which shows the US Chargé d’Affaires singing him Happy Birthday at a function. People were clapping and cheering and everything, and everybody was all smiling and stuff, including the birthday boy. But we feel it’s just a sad, sad thing. It’s like being invited to your friend’s house, but they tell you that you can’t go inside because they don’t want you there. But, if you like, you can stand by the window and look inside for as long as you want. Poor Jamal. He wants to get back to the US so bad he probably screams Trump’s name in his sleep. Thing is…it’s not going to happen. We know this guy well – from the time he was deported to Belize. What you’re seeing is all an act. He’s hoping he can convince the good people of Mesopotamia to elect him, and that the UDP will win, and then he’ll be able to get a diplomatic passport to the US and that will be the end of that. Ain’t no shine to this guy. He’s just a petty scam artist. In the end, the truth will always come out.

Shame on Shyne

Whenever the camera is on Jamal, he’s always spouting some crap about his love for the people of Mesopotamia. If it’s one thing the prodigal learned from the deadbeat, it’s how to spin crap into gold. Recently the PUP candidate in Mesopotamia opened a centre with sewing equipment where mostly single mothers can actually learn a skill and earn a decent living for their families. Word to the Belize Times is that Jamal put in a call to Daddy, who is the Minister of Finance, and the Tax Department immediately paid a visit to the centre to harass them. Can you believe that? All these rich people owing taxes and living large, and the Tax Department has time to harass single mothers at a centre which was set up specifically to improve their lives. Jamal has no love for the people. He believes, like his uncle Finny, that the people should always be dependent on politicians for handouts, because they’re easier to control that way. For Jamal, and for the UDP, the end is very near. Wait for it.

Spotlight on Khalid

We understand that the people of Belmopan are calling on the Integrity Commission to conduct an immediate investigation into the finances of the Mayor of Belmopan, Khalid Belisle. That’s what the Commission is for right, to investigate allegations of illegal enrichment? The people are asking where in the hell could the Mayor have gotten almost $2MILLION to build a home which could probably house ten different families. The people are also asking the Integrity Commission to check out the timing of the construction. It seems that Khalid started building shortly after the Hilltop was sold for a measly $400,000 to some guy that nobody has ever seen, the mysterious and elusive Mr. Simplex. The thing is that Khalid has never worked a decent job in his life. He first came to light as Porky Pig’s right hand and some say, boy toy, when his name appeared on a document for Mytheon Solutions. Remember that company? Government departments under Porky’s control were forced to buy credit from Porky, to the tune of millions. But everybody knows that Khalid was just a front. Since then he’s worked pretty much always under Porky (have to get this image out my head), so where did he get about $2MILLION for that mansion? The Belize Times understands that even high-up people in the UDP are pissed at Khalid right now, because whatever Khalid does reflects on Porky, and affects his chances at leadership. We’ll have to see how this one works out.

Silent Partner

You know what really gets to us? This UDP government can’t find any money to do anything constructive for ‘normal’ Belizeans that really need the help. Every day bright young students are forced to drop out of school because they can no longer afford an education. Right about now, more than 100 UB students are being sent home because they can’t afford the fees. And the government does nothing. But when it comes to their own, they find the money, and it’s always OUR tax dollars used to pamper their own. We at the Belize Times have learned that UDP crony Leila Peyrefitte is now taking up a highly-paid post as Consul to Los Angeles. Peyrefitte has no skills in diplomacy to speak of, and there are many other deserving Belizeans much more qualified, so we figure this posting is either to soothe ruffled feathers after she lost in Caribbean Shores to Lee Mark, or just a simple gift because she is the silent partner of the Prime Minister’s right hand, the CEO in the OPM. If this case can be seen as another case of almost nepotism, then it’s a whole other story. It’s way past time for this crap to end.