Belly of the Beast

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Recession

Barrow looked like a big clown in the House last week when he argued that there was no recession. With a smug look of superiority on his face, Barrow patiently explained that there was an official definition of recession, and pointed out, just as smugly, that there had been positive growth in the third quarter. Then BAM, his very own Statistical Institute of Belize released the information that YES, there was a recession, and there was negative growth in the third quarter of the year. SHAME. Imagine that this is the Minister of Finance. But it gets worse than that. The IMF has also expressed serious concern at the slowing down of the economy, and also the huge debt racked up by Barrow and his crew. The thing is that Dean Oliver feels that all that is okay, because he’ll be sitting on the beach of his boutique resort in Placencia when it’s time to pay back those debts. But it’s not going to be so easy for him. He would do well to look at all those country leaders who have been arrested for corruption, and even thrown into jail. We at the Belize Times think Dean O would look splendid in jailhouse orange.

Gluttony

It’s tough to watch all these UDP fat cats feeding at the trough. We at the Belize Times remember well Dean Oliver and his two-sided machete which mysteriously disappeared right after elections in 2008. Along with the rest of the nation, we watched as Barrow’s family and friends got richer and richer, because it seemed that they were the only ones qualified to eat. We’re watching now as the PM’s right hand, CEO Audrey Wallace has gotten what is said to be a seven-figure contract from the BTB for her private company, Color Blind. It’s not the first time. Audrey also ensured that her company got the contract to handle the PR/Advertising leading up to the ICJ, another huge contract. This is much more than just a conflict of interest. This is corruption, plain and simple. How can Audrey Wallace still occupy her post as the PM’s CEO, and operate a private company which benefits from lucrative government contracts? Where is the Integrity Commission when you need it? All these people like Audrey have become bold and brazen in their greed, but it will come back to haunt them. Best believe that.

Overload

The Belize Times has heard through the grapevine that the Taiwanese government is furious with the Ministry of National Security after reports that the two helicopters gifted to Belize are out of Commission. While the BDF has been very frugal with information, we are told that the helicopters were used for an official tour at some point, and have been down ever since. While we at the Times are not aviation experts, we had to raise eyebrows at the news that one of the helicopters was used to transport the Attorney General, Michael Peyrefitte, and the other was used for John Saldivar and his suave sidekick, Doug. What the hell was the Ministry thinking? Didn’t they read the manual about the weight capacity of those copters? Then when a real BDF soldier needed to be transported from the Cadenas outpost, he had to be brought out by Astrum. I swear you couldn’t make up this stuff. We’re just glad that the BDF soldier is okay. This could have been a real tragedy.

Hilarious

Has anybody else heard of a video which shows OJ Elrington scaling the fence at some ‘business establishment’ or the other after 3:00am? Reliable reports are that the video shows Elrington sprinting across the yard to the fence. He appears to be in fine form, we are told, until he tried to jump the fence. See, Elrington favours skinny jeans, and skinny jeans aren’t made for jumping over fences. But the athletic UDP caretaker, we are told, makes it over the fence on his fifth try. We’ve heard stories, but we can’t figure out what Elrington was up to. And while that is a mystery all by itself, the more pressing mystery is this – how did OJ get into those ridiculous skinny jeans?

Jules

We are told from very reliable sources that Jules was so over-excited after his interview with Bill Lindo that he had to be medicated. Seems the medication hasn’t worn off just yet. Our good, good friend Patsy Faber was offended this week when he was captioned as the Hon. John Saldivar on Channel 7 news. What a thing. Either Jules was loopy as hell from the calm-down pills or he was sending Patsy a message. Who knows? We know that Saldivar has been feeling the victory for a while now, but we’re not taking our eyes off the little one just yet. He loves to beat women, but who knows? Maybe he grows a pair and figures out a way to beat his nemesis from Belmopan.