Belly of the Beast


Happy New Year

The Belize Times management and staff, on behalf of the entire PUP family, would like to wish all Belizeans the very best New Year, with good things to come. We mean real good things, not the ‘best is yet to come’ stuff that was promised by the UDP and never reached the rest of us. Old man Barrow spent his New Year in some exotic location, and we figure he got confused about where he was while writing his New Year address – cause that fabulous place he described, with a wonderful, compassionate, amazing government that works hard for the people – sure as hell wasn’t Belize. Somewhere else, but not Belize. As our friend Cordel would say, we got shafted again. But you better believe change is coming. Whenever elections are called this year, the UDP will be kicked out of office and finally, FINALLY, the people will get a real chance at good representation.


Is there anybody who knows where we can get in touch with Kim? Kim Barrow, that is? We got a call from Michelle Obama asking if we knew how to get in touch with her. Apparently Kim stole something that was hers, but we didn’t get all the details. Actually, we did, and even Kim has to forgive us for using the word ‘retarded’ when it comes to that plagiarizing stunt. What the hell happened there? Is it that Kim wants so hard to be Michelle that she felt she had to steal Michelle’s New Year greeting, almost word for word? It was shameful. Disgraceful. We noticed a few of the UDPs suggesting that maybe it was Michelle Obama who plagiarized Kim’s New Year greeting. LOL. Imagine that. We hear it’s not the first time Kim has done that, but maybe since she’s been caught this time she’ll take some shame and try to write her own stuff. Can you believe we’ve all been here laughing at Melania Trump trying to imitate Michelle Obama, and here we have our own Melania Barrow. Even we’re embarrassed for her.

The Judas Kiss

Our dearly beloved Patrick, Deputy Prime Minister, felt the kiss of Judas over the weekend when he attended a function in Maskall. He was all smiles and tears as he hugged John and held onto him so tight, and both pledged to work together in harmony and peace before the UDP convention set for February. We saw the pictures, and if he had only asked us, we could have told Patrick that John smiled the exact same way with William Danny Mason, and look where that got Mason. The Maskall event wasn’t even a memory when John posted that he had sniped all the UDP’s Belize Rural South delegates from Patrick. In fact, we are told that Patrick was still celebrating his unity and love for John when he got the news that John had shafted him just like he shafted Mason – well maybe not the exact same way. We’ll be anxiously following this one for sheer comic relief, but the truth is that it doesn’t matter who takes over when Dean puts himself out to pasture. You can stick a fork in the UDP because they are done.


Excuse us, but are you all still waiting for Dean Oliver to fire Jumoke Castro from the GST Department? You do realize that DOB is the Minister of Finance, and the Belize Tax Services comes under him, right? We watched him in the House, all pious outrage and determination, claiming that he hopes something is done because somebody like Jumoke has no place in government service. It’s YOU, Dean. You are the something that needs to be done. You can actually pick up the phone and with one instruction, Jumoke will get the gangbang of his young, stupid life. Don’t you all understand that the Prime Minister was being his usual, duplicitous self? Spouting his usual crap? Same old rubbish? That’s all it was. If the Prime Minister was really outraged, Jumoke would have been gone already. And he’s not. We can only hope that Karma steps in where Dean has failed, because this youth is out of control. He’s like a rabid poodle, and you know what needs to be done with rabid dogs, right?


So the UDP can give Imer a contract for $134 MILLION to fix the Coastal Road, and find another $180 MILLION to fix a road to Caracol, but can’t deal with the simplest frigging basic infrastructure to ensure that the people of Belize have access to reliable water and electricity. Imagine that the people of Caye Caulker had no electricity or water for a whole week – what a Christmas and New Year gift from Dean Barrow and his corrupt bunch. Can you all see the sickness in the minds of the UDP? The other day the west was without water because of a simple mechanical breakdown. The other day the Southern Regional Hospital morgue was down for six months – a unit that cost $5000. And now an entire community which depends on tourism for its survival with no electricity and water for a week. The thing is that the UDP can’t hustle off the provision of basic services, but they can hustle big time off infrastructure contracts. It’s as simple as that. But you wait, Mr. UDP – all of you will get the sense for treating the people like this. Just wait.