Belly of the Beast

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Manure

Did anybody else catch the smell of ripe manure when the Prime Minister opened his mouth at the press conference? It was like a roomful of bulls ate some bad grass and just had to let go. Seriously, though, does anybody believe that crap coming out of Dean Oliver’s mouth? This man sits up there and tells the nation that he has no clue who from his Cabinet took bribes from an Armenian criminal. We’d bet our left and right nuts that he knows exactly who. Hell, we know who too. All the old man is trying to do is put off the inevitable. He’s hoping that by the time the names are called on the stand, the person whose name will be called will be leader of the UDP already and they will then find a way to make this go away. At the conference, Barrow kept saying that he has always punished Ministers for wrongdoing. Name one, you old buffoon. Vega is a th…. We can say it. And there he is, collecting all the perks while doing nothing for the people. Punishment eh Mr. Barrow? Penner gave Wonhong Kim a Belizean passport, and he was punished with prime land in Turneffe and Mountain Pine Ridge. That’s the kind of punishment you believe in, old man. Your time is done. You looked old and feeble, even if you do spout bullshit as beautifully as you ever did. The clock is ticking.

Roast Pig

Followed by the smell of fresh bullshit, we heard many people at the conference claiming that they smelled the succulent odor of roast pig. That was probably John Saldivar being turned on the spit. John is fresh off the Mason mess, or so he believes, and now he’s back in the thick of things with another criminal. Oh how John and Dougie and Jason frolicked in the pool at the Beverly Hills Hotel where John’s friend Lev was footing the bill. What a fine time they had flying to the Gold Cup in Lev’s private jet, driving Lev’s fancy rides. The thing is, we know John isn’t exactly cute, and we know that he’s not exactly packing prime goods, so unless he was pimping out Dougie and Jason, Lev wasn’t being so kind out of the goodness of his heart. So what was Lev getting in return for all his goodness? All that will come out soon. We know all will be revealed when the case goes to trial in just a couple weeks. We hear John hasn’t been sleeping well at night. It’ll get much worse before it gets better, Johnny boy. You’re a fat fowl and you got a mess of Sundays coming your way.

Dammit Jamal

We swear, this damned Jamal has no shame. When we first met the fellow years ago following his deportation, he was called something else. We think it was Moses ibn Ibrahim Leviy bin Laden or something like that. Anyway, the fellow owed big time at the Renaissance Tower. He moved in there like the crown prince he obviously thought he was, rented a whole floor even, and then wouldn’t pay. Next, he promised this big time concert with all these big names at the MCC Grounds. Remember that? Scammed a whole bunch of people that time too. Now it’s gotten so bad that he was almost sued by his own UDP brethren, DJ Dalla, for approx. $30,000 he owed and refused to pay. When the media found Jamal at a function and asked, he mumbled and stumbled and fumbled and then left in a hurry. Seems he ran off to find DJ Dalla to settle the debt. Must have asked daddy Dean for a loan. We got no problem with Jamal, except he’s so damned wutless. Like our friend Yellow always used to say…noh got no change fuh change.

 Boxers

In closing this week, we’d just like to say that we’re really sad about the obvious rift between John and Patrick. Politics aside, we’re all romantics at heart and we all believe in true love. We remember, fondly, a time when Patrick and John were in Chichen Itza together for an Elton John concert. Back in those days of lust aplenty, John and Patrick sat front row as Elton John crooned of ‘Candles in the Wind.’ It was a magical time, so magical that John allegedly got carried away, took off his boxers and threw it on the stage. That would have been a story to tell all his friends and lovers at those frequent boxers parties at Mason’s mansion, except – can you believe – that damned Elton John threw back the boxers. Lucky thing Mason and crew weren’t there, because Elton’s candle may have been put out for all time. But we digress. Ahhh…those days of sweet, young love.