Belly of the Beast


UDP Again

For years the worthless UDP has been boasting about infrastructure projects in the country. Here at the Belize Times, we’d want to say that when Dean Oliver talks about roads and roundabouts, it is as close to an orgasm as he ever gets. But see what Belizeans have been saying all along? We are told Belmopan is completely cut off from the rest of the country. It didn’t take a hurricane or a volcano. There were no twisters, no perfect storm…no earthquakes. You know what it took for the capital city to be completely marooned? One day of damned rain. It rained for one day and the UDP’s fancy roads went all to hell – washed away completely. Imagine that. Belmopan is completely cut off from the rest of the country, and that’s no joke. The UDP has given hundreds of millions of dollars to Imer Hernandez for roadworks which rarely last more than a month. The ease with which that road washed away, there is little doubt that Imer Hernandez is the contractor who’s responsible. And you know the thing which is really messed up. Knowing how the UDP works, they’ll probably find another few millions to give the same Imer to fix the same roads he royally screwed up. Call elections, Dean. There’s no need to grieve for your poor Belize. Just leave.


Cordel was telling the truth when he said that when it comes to being shafted, it doesn’t really matter who’s doing the shafting. Dean Oliver says he didn’t like when we were being shafted by the three Mexican butane importers. Maybe he got jealous or something, and wanted a piece of the action, so he got rid of the three brothers and took over in the shafting position. Can you believe that at a time like this when Belizeans are struggling and have been struggling for months to put food on the table for their families, the UDP has decided to raise the price of butane? It’s unthinkable. Talk about being shafted. The truth is that when the three Mexicans were bringing in butane, we were all getting it cheaper than we are now. So how exactly are we benefitting from this? Reminds us of BTL, when the old Dean made us pay over half a billion to his good friend Lord Ashcroft because he said we would see the benefits of owning the company. We know he saw the benefits, and we know Anwar and a whole bunch of UDP cronies have seen the benefits. But what about us? Just go, Dean. Just go. The people are tired. It is past time for a change.

Remember the Rat

This week a meme circulated with a rat floating on a slipper in a pool of water. Everybody found it funny, because the slogan was that the rat was waiting for the best that the UDP said would come. Even we thought it was a joke. We laughed too. But that crap is real. It’s real. The rat is the same one that lives with his family and all his in-laws and cousins and friends at the Western Regional Hospital. Remember that rat who was almost evicted after he decided to go chill in an incubator with a new-born baby? Same one. Let’s call him Pablo the Rat, just for fun. Anyway, this week the Western Regional Hospital almost floated away after it rained for a day. We are told that the Coast Guard had to be called in to anchor the building down. Fun and joke aside though, this is sick. One slight rain and the entire hospital is under water. That’s insane. Remember that this is the same building that was declared too old to be of any use to anyone. The EU had offered over $30M to Pablo – the Minister, not the rat – for him to build a new one for the people of Belize. We are reliably informed that the offer fell through because some of the words on the form to secure the grant were too big and Pablo couldn’t understand them. True story.

Sick Puppies 

The UDP has announced a whole bunch of cuts in education. Minister ‘Pibil and Rum,’ not looking as high as he did after that jaunt in Corozal, announced that there is no money in education, so they are cutting all sorts of things. They are cutting transportation for students, and scholarships, and money to deserving students. See, when the UDP was having the time of their lives spending all the Petrocaribe money on rum and rallies and parties and fun, it was all good. “Petrocaribe roll it,” they said. Where’s the money now? Back then Barrow said they had it all in the kitty. Then they killed the damn kitty. The coffers were full, millions and millions and millions. Where’s is the money now? The UDP has a lot to pay for. You think you’re grieving now, Dean Oliver? You ain’t seen nothing yet.