Belly of the Beast


Nationalization hustle

There is word tonight that the Utterly Duplicitous Party is talking nationalization of the Port of Belize. Apparently after 12 years of not giving a damn about the workers of this country, they want people to believe that they’re on the side of the ‘normal’ Belizean man and woman. After they sent in Police to tear gas protesters and shoot them with rubber bullets, the UDP is now bellowing that they will take back the port. After 12 years of doing nothing for anybody but themselves and their cronies, these sick puppies in Cabinet want to take back the port. After sitting in a Miami hotel and giving away half a Billion dollars, Barrow again wants to make a deal. We know well how that story goes. We’ve seen it before. Dean Barrow starts bawling about the white demon, who incidentally is a long-time client of his law firm. Then come the passionate speeches about fighting to the last breath to take back Belizean assets for Belizeans, or some crap to that effect. Then the long-winded brain farts in which the windbag we call Prime Minister passes himself off as a courageous knight fighting the villain. And then the UDP will come up with some idiotic, poorly drafted legislation to take back the port, Ashcroft will challenge, Barrow’s law firm and other lawyers with that last name will all become millionaires and in the end, the country will end up paying hundreds of millions. It’s always a win-win for the Barrows and a huge win for the Lord. And we lose every single time. So don’t even listen to the stupidity coming from those fools. Not this time. It is time for them all to go.

Mason’s Boy Toy

There is word out of the Undeniably Depraved Party camp tonight that despite a photo in which our friend Pats and Mason’s boy toy John were all kissy kissy, there is already trouble in paradise. Various sources inside the UDP – yes we have friends in low places too – have reported that despite being a scumbag and despite his name being synonymous with dirt and slime and that stuff left behind in toilet bowls in community bathrooms, the disgraced fellow from Belmopan still believes that he is the one calling the shots in the UDP. Saldivar, we are told, has had to be reminded several times that he didn’t win at convention, that he is not a Minister anymore, and that he has no say in anything having to do with the party. We are told that Faber has been throwing tantrums and wants Saldivar all the way out. That’s really neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things. When elections are called, ALL of them will be gone.

Jail him

Justice, to some extent, has been served. William Danny Mason and his murderous crew have been sentenced, finally, to life behind bars for the sick murder of Pastor Lue. We believe, like many Belizeans do, that not everybody who had a hand in the Pastor’s murder will be spending all that time in jail though. Like many Belizeans, we believe that John Saldivar and William Danny Mason have a connection that goes far beyond boxers’ parties, long nights spent on Mason’s ranch and nude photos in Mason’s bedroom. We believe that there is a reason why John Saldivar’s right hand, Jesus Castillo, was in that bar where Mason and his crew took the head of Pastor Lue. We believe that Saldivar could provide some valuable insight into why Pastor Lue was murdered by Mason, a man Saldivar treated like a best friend and lover. One of these days, though, the truth will come to light. And Saldivar will pay. You can take that to the bank.


Our good, good friend Jamal Moses Leviy Bin-Laden Barrow is in the hot seat again, after one of his donors is taking him to court in the US for jacking her money under false pretences. Listen, it’s true what they say. You can take the pig out of the mud, but you can never take the mud out of the pig. Jamal tries his best to talk just like daddy, and dress just like daddy (a lot of unresolved daddy issues there) but underneath it all he’s just a low-level hustler. This is the same man who was being taken to court by another UDP just the other day for refusing to pay a bill. This is the man who rented a whole penthouse and couldn’t pay for it. This is the man who threw a whole concert with artists that didn’t show up. Jamal ain’t nothing but a joke. He can talk and bluster and brain-fart like daddy, but he’s not going anywhere fast.