Belly of the Beast


Viagra Man

A whole bunch of people have been throwing stones at Grampa Net for blowing a couple hundred thousand dollars at Victoria’s Secret. The man’s gallivanting has become the source of funny memes and stupid jokes. Everybody and their granny has a lot to say about thongs and crotchless panties and container loads of blue pills, and that’s all well and good. But the truth is that none of this is even remotely funny. The UDP took over BTL and it became a feeding trough for Barrow family members and cronies. Grampa Dean’s son became an almost overnight millionaire and every attorney affiliated with Gramps got a piece of the BTL pie. When all that was said and done, Belizeans got stuck with a bill for over half-a-billion dollars, which we’re going to be paying for years. When you think about the fleecing of BTL, maybe first you should realize that our country is going to hell in a handbasket and there are so many people who are going to bed hungry every night, including children. The UDP hasn’t been able to do anything to lower the poverty rate, and Belizeans are suffering. So pardon us if we find nothing funny about a sad old man and his BTL credit card. What makes it even worse is that this man represents the UDP on the Integrity Commission. Imagine that. Absolutely none of this is even slightly hilarious. There needs to be an investigation and if he is guilty of misappropriating money then Net needs to be charged. Simple as that. We’re pretty sure we could arrange for him to have access to a phone where he could buy whips and chains online – just not using our money. Bunch of sick UDP puppies.

The Prince

We’re willing to give old Grampa Dean his due. He’s not somebody who gets all frazzled and flustered in the House of Representatives. He’s a cool old cat under pressure. But on Wednesday dih man was having three fits and five fevers when Julius started calling names of people who are connected to Brads and a recent $500M 10 year contract. The way Dean Oliver jumped up you’d never have guess that he has a bad back. Worse when Julius started talking about checks for huge sums of money paid from Brad’s to companies connected to the Barrow prince. DOB whimpered and simpered and postured but there’s no getting away from the truth. Some way or another, the people are going to find out who is the big name behind Brad’s, the person with the political connections to be able to wrangle a $500M contract. We almost died laughing when the Prime Minister said that he has no clue who the shareholders of the company are. As old cousin Said Musa said once, Dean Oliver, yuh name stink dah road. When those documents and others at BTL see the light of day, we’ll see where your pretty words get you. That’s a promise.


Honestly, we try not to spend much time on outside cousin Patsy. He’s always been a talker, but has never really said anything worth listening to. Besides, there’s no way he will be the next Prime Minister of this country, and gets no respect even from people in his own UDP. But as a people, we need to take a much closer look at this sudden multi-million dollar contract for tablets which is being pushed through right before elections. This stinks of padding the coffers of the UDP, just like so many other contracts given out to worthless contractors like cousin Imer Hernandez who never properly fixed a road in his whole life. With that said, did you hear when cousin Patsy said that the UDP owns majority shares in Belize Electricity Limited? What exactly is up with that? Is there something the Belizean people don’t know? Is that why suddenly electricity bills have been going through the roof? Talk to us, Pats. Belizeans need to know.

Worthless John

Every now and then, when Mason’s boy toy gets bored twiddling his thumbs and another smaller appendage at home, he makes a sudden appearance. We’re pretty sure he thinks he’s brilliant – something no doubt Mason whispered in his fat ears while they were hanging out on Egyptian cotton sheets – but the man is a genuine bubu. Now he’s put a sudden stop to the market in Belmopan which would have benefitted some many poor vendors, just so he could show off. This guy is so good to people like Mason and Lev Dermen, especially when he’s able to get tranches from them, but when it comes to dealing with normal Belizeans, all he does is punish them. John will get the sense when elections are called. The people are waiting patiently for him.