Belly of the Beast(September 6)



The nation has been miraculously spared the devastation usually visited on countries by any serious natural disaster. Hurricane Nana came and went, and thanks be to God there are no reports of loss of life or injuries, and seemingly minimal infrastructure damage. And while we must give thanks to the Almighty for allowing us to escape unscathed, if it were up to the government, we would have been in a hell of a lot of trouble. It seems that all our Ministers were busy planning how to hustle the last pennies from the coffers before elections and nobody in power seemed to even know there was a storm out. By the time NEMO woke up, Belizeans, thankfully, were already aware of the storm because of international weather news. Imagine that one day before the storm hit, the Ministry of Works was hurrying to try to fix a section of road on the western highway that had washed away three months ago. If the storm had hit with any kind of force or rains, Belmopan and the west and south of the country would have been cut off completely, AGAIN. It is really time for the UDP to go.


Nana may be old news now, but Rona has sure as hell been kicking up a storm. The numbers are in and as we write this there are more than 1100 confirmed cases of COVID-19 in the country. Already our health system is overwhelmed and almost 50 frontline workers have been infected. We know for sure that the Ministry of Health is way backlogged, which means that persons that are infected are not being tested, even if they show the symptoms. Even old bad back Barrow seems to have gone quiet, because the truth is that he has nothing constructive to say. Every now and then he talks about some relief funding that never shows up. Farmers are still waiting for drought relief funding from two years ago. Belizeans are still waiting for unemployment relief funding which never showed up, and then Grampa Dean was on TV talking about hurricane relief funding. What a sick joke. People have already gotten enough of the UDP. Just a matter of waiting for elections now. Let’s do this Dean.

Petty Hustler

A lot of people probably find it funny to see a video of Jamal bin-Laden Moses Leviy Barrow shaking down another man, telling him that he needs to come to come to Belize with ‘bags’ of money to persuade voters to put him into office. The truth is there’s nothing funny about it. This is a man who wants to be a leader in this country begging for money, just like his best friend John Saldivar begged for tranches from convicted fraudster Lev Dermen. Think about it. If a man like Jamal can so shamelessly hustle money when he isn’t even an elected representative, imagine what kind of hustling would go down if he ever gets hold of some sort of power. The truth is that this guy has always been a petty hustler. He was deported to Belize and tried to reinvent himself as his daddy’s mini-me, but he is the same all glitter and no substance. We need to do better than that. We have to do better than that. Jamal is an embarrassment to this country, and not only because he used to play drop the soap in a federal penitentiary. Serious.

The Ghost

Sources in Belize Rural Central say that there was a mysterious sighting of a woman calling herself Bev just hours before the hurricane. We hear she had bags of $5 groceries in hand and was knocking on doors. Good thing our people know that they shouldn’t open their doors to persons they don’t know, and worse shouldn’t accept gifts from strangers. Old-timers in the division tell stories of a UDP politician known as Bev who once begged them for votes, and when she was elected in the area she disappeared without a trace. As legend has it, she shows up around election time only, begging and pleading. Ain’t no time for that, the people say. Voters in Belize Rural Central ain’t afraid of no ghosts. Haul yuh R…Bev!

The Scorpion

If the Police weren’t manipulated by politicians, Pablo Marin would be behind bars right now, charged with murder, or at least manslaughter. Everybody knows that if a normal Belizean had shot a fleeing burglar in the back, he would be charged. The law is the law. At first, the story was that Pablo had found a burglary around his home and shot him as he ran away. Then suddenly, a knife appeared in the mix from somewhere, and the story became that the man charged at him with the knife, yet somehow was still shot in the back as he ran and jumped over the fence. Fair is fair. We call on our friend Chester to do the right thing.